My inner monolog is nonexistant.

I have the funniest things to say. Sometimes they are bitchy, sometimes they are crass. But they are always funny. My husband keeps telling me to use my "inner monolog". I try to. I really do, but then I look like a crazy person because I am laughing at myself. Let me share an example with you. Not to long ago, (no galaxy far far away. sorry) My family was at the grocery store doing our weekly shopping. During the check out process, load the belt with our stuff, blah blah blah. My daughter Genevieve points out a pocket sized book next to the candy bars. "Look Mom! 'Baby Names for Dummies'!"WHAT? No way! Sure as shit. 'Baby Names for Dummies' right next to the monthly horoscopes and psalm in your pocket books. Now I can't resist this one. I turn to my husband, with that glimmer in my eye. Out pops " Geez Honey, you think they would hand that one out at planned parenthood for free!" Then I laugh almost uncontrollably to the point of tears in my eyes. "No, I don't have any coupons." I say to the cashier. Casually looking back to my husband. Then I realize the people standing behind us heard me. Also the people behind them. Oops. It also happens to be the first weekend of the month. The Foodstampers hear me. ( Let me explain what I call Foodstampers: People who drive Escalades that have $250.00 sneakers on carrying cellphones better than mine, yet "milk" the system for free food and rent.) So that is just one situation with plenty more to blog about. Just wait and you will see! I am an Equal Opportunity Bitch. I do not discriminate based upon race, sex, creed, religion, and so on...